To
the years gone by
It is a
summary of all the years that had passed by and the lessons learned.
2020: This year started with a piece of positive news i.e. engagement
of my sister, followed by her marriage in March. The worst phase started with
the announcement of the lockdown in India on March 20, 2020. This was completely a
new scenario to handle both at the physical and mental levels. We were baffled by
the news of the number of deaths increasing day by day and reaching its peak. My
work was equally affected and I was contemplating each day how to overcome it.
Each night was difficult to pass. The feeling of restlessness by not doing what
I was supposed to do, had made me miserable. My PhD work, which was experimental, got affected severely. This year went into lockdown mode by staying at home and
getting all kinds of bad news.
2021: This year was even worse than the previous year, I
had never anticipated. I had to drop out of my PhD in mid-way. This was the
most difficult decision I had ever made till now. My father was retired from
his job and had to shift to his hometown. After we all reached our hometown, I
got the news of the illness of my grandmother. She was hospitalized then. She went
through surgery at the age of eighty and going through surgery was very
painful as she was not given anesthesia during the operation. Then the second wave of
Corona hit hard. All the family members were diagnosed as Corona positive. My
father, my grandmother, and my elder uncle were rushed to hospital for treatment
of corona due to their critical condition. They were not able to breathe properly.
My father had surgery where there was the implantation of a pacemaker in his heart (which
would regulate the heartbeat) just before the coronavirus hit him. We were broken both
financially and mentally. We did not know that we had to go through a lot this year. One of my very personal life decisions turned out to be not favorable.
Soon, after a few days, we were relieved because my uncle and father both returned home safely from the coronal shelter. We were waiting for my grandmother, but alas she
never came back. It was our misfortune that we could not even bid her goodbye in her last breath. This was a shock for our entire family. It was very
difficult for me to process such miserable events just one after the other. I
was jobless as well as hopeless. Everything seemed to be just blurred. There
was no sign of a bright future.
Soon after I
recovered from Corona, I was hit by dengue which lasted for about twenty days
making me weak physically and mentally. I had no option except to suffer,
suffer and suffer. I was eagerly waiting for some happenings in my life. I got
a job nearby as I was not in a condition to relocate due to my poor condition
of health. I continued working there for few months. I started regaining my
trust and confidence once again.
2022: This year arrived with a few marriage proposals for
me. I had in confusion to select which one would be best for me. I took help of
my family members in making decision for my life partner as it was going to be an
arranged marriage. Finally, after interacting with few proposals, I made my
mind to marry the person. I had to leave my job because I had to shift to
another city after my marriage. I started adjusting with the family. I made
many changes within me to please the members of my husband’s family. But all
were in vain. They were always into finding faults of mine. His mother whom I
treated like my mother, never treated me as his daughter. She had issues with
every little thing as she would compare her daughters with me which is
completely wrong. And I have never found
my husband resolving any kind of family dispute. He preferred moving out of
the place when any problem arrived. He was an escapist by nature. The love and
affection I have never received from him which he had always promised to give
during his conversation before marriage. There were many promises made which
were never fulfilled such as moving to the place where his company was located
soon after marriage. I suffered a lot here. I had no freedom to do what I felt
like doing. I was never appreciated for singing, painting or writing.
2023: I thought that with time, all these issues would
resolve as time heals everything. But, it all depends on the mindset of the person.
Marriage is a two-way process. It’s never the sacrifice of one who has withstood
the institution called marriage. The cruelty and violence continued for a few months. In the meantime, I have got another job and started working
virtually.
This year is going
to end with a month in hand. I want to thank all those people who stood with me
like a pillar of support, by not leaving my side. Things were extremely
difficult but because of their support, I could navigate these years.
I want
to scribble down the lessons that I have learned from all the struggles that I
went through-
1. You should
never emotionally get attached to a person until you are very sure that he/ she
is the right one.
2. You know your worth. No one has the ability to
define your worth.
3. Love yourself as much as you can, then only you can
love others in a real sense.
4. It doesn’t matter what others say. It’s your life
and live it in your terms.
5. Truth always triumphs even if it takes longer time
to show its true nature.
6. Time heals every pain. So, when you are in pain,
give time to heal.
7. Nothing comes easy to anyone; it may seem easy but
it’s always challenging.
8. Never leave side of your parents, they know you
better than anyone else. Believe them and respect their decisions.
9. Hobbies are your real friends. Hobbies make you utilize
your time better and provide you inner satisfaction.
10. When things don’t go the way you want, connect to
the universe or god. You will definitely grow spiritually.
SWETA SARANGI
24-11-2023
P.S: This post is a top post in blogchatter.
