#484 To the years gone by

 

                                        To the years gone by

It is a summary of all the years that had passed by and the lessons learned.

2020: This year started with a piece of positive news i.e. engagement of my sister, followed by her marriage in March. The worst phase started with the announcement of the lockdown in India on March 20, 2020. This was completely a new scenario to handle both at the physical and mental levels. We were baffled by the news of the number of deaths increasing day by day and reaching its peak. My work was equally affected and I was contemplating each day how to overcome it. Each night was difficult to pass. The feeling of restlessness by not doing what I was supposed to do, had made me miserable. My PhD work, which was experimental, got affected severely. This year went into lockdown mode by staying at home and getting all kinds of bad news.

 

2021: This year was even worse than the previous year, I had never anticipated. I had to drop out of my PhD in mid-way. This was the most difficult decision I had ever made till now. My father was retired from his job and had to shift to his hometown. After we all reached our hometown, I got the news of the illness of my grandmother. She was hospitalized then. She went through surgery at the age of eighty and going through surgery was very painful as she was not given anesthesia during the operation. Then the second wave of Corona hit hard. All the family members were diagnosed as Corona positive. My father, my grandmother, and my elder uncle were rushed to hospital for treatment of corona due to their critical condition. They were not able to breathe properly. My father had surgery where there was the implantation of a pacemaker in his heart (which would regulate the heartbeat) just before the coronavirus hit him. We were broken both financially and mentally. We did not know that we had to go through a lot this year. One of my very personal life decisions turned out to be not favorable. Soon, after a few days, we were relieved because my uncle and father both returned home safely from the coronal shelter. We were waiting for my grandmother, but alas she never came back. It was our misfortune that we could not even bid her goodbye in her last breath. This was a shock for our entire family. It was very difficult for me to process such miserable events just one after the other. I was jobless as well as hopeless. Everything seemed to be just blurred. There was no sign of a bright future.

Soon after I recovered from Corona, I was hit by dengue which lasted for about twenty days making me weak physically and mentally. I had no option except to suffer, suffer and suffer. I was eagerly waiting for some happenings in my life. I got a job nearby as I was not in a condition to relocate due to my poor condition of health. I continued working there for few months. I started regaining my trust and confidence once again.

 

2022: This year arrived with a few marriage proposals for me. I had in confusion to select which one would be best for me. I took help of my family members in making decision for my life partner as it was going to be an arranged marriage. Finally, after interacting with few proposals, I made my mind to marry the person. I had to leave my job because I had to shift to another city after my marriage. I started adjusting with the family. I made many changes within me to please the members of my husband’s family. But all were in vain. They were always into finding faults of mine. His mother whom I treated like my mother, never treated me as his daughter. She had issues with every little thing as she would compare her daughters with me which is completely wrong.  And I have never found my husband resolving any kind of family dispute. He preferred moving out of the place when any problem arrived. He was an escapist by nature. The love and affection I have never received from him which he had always promised to give during his conversation before marriage. There were many promises made which were never fulfilled such as moving to the place where his company was located soon after marriage. I suffered a lot here. I had no freedom to do what I felt like doing. I was never appreciated for singing, painting or writing.

 

2023: I thought that with time, all these issues would resolve as time heals everything. But, it all depends on the mindset of the person. Marriage is a two-way process. It’s never the sacrifice of one who has withstood the institution called marriage. The cruelty and violence continued for a few months. In the meantime, I have got another job and started working virtually.

 

This year is going to end with a month in hand. I want to thank all those people who stood with me like a pillar of support, by not leaving my side. Things were extremely difficult but because of their support, I could navigate these years.

 

I want to scribble down the lessons that I have learned from all the struggles that I went through-

1.  You should never emotionally get attached to a person until you are very sure that he/ she is the right one.

2. You know your worth. No one has the ability to define your worth.

3. Love yourself as much as you can, then only you can love others in a real sense.

4. It doesn’t matter what others say. It’s your life and live it in your terms.

5. Truth always triumphs even if it takes longer time to show its true nature.

6. Time heals every pain. So, when you are in pain, give time to heal.

7. Nothing comes easy to anyone; it may seem easy but it’s always challenging.

8. Never leave side of your parents, they know you better than anyone else. Believe them and respect their decisions.

9. Hobbies are your real friends. Hobbies make you utilize your time better and provide you inner satisfaction.

10. When things don’t go the way you want, connect to the universe or god. You will definitely grow spiritually.

 

SWETA SARANGI

24-11-2023

 P.S: This post is a top post in blogchatter.