29 Oct 2022

#435 A Diary Entry


A Diary Entry

What my heart says

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”—Mignon McLaughlin

Disclaimer: This letter is definitely going to be a long one. Please read it carefully and patiently till the end. You may find answers to many questions you might be searching for.

 

Dear Diary,

I congratulate us for sailing the boat of five months of togetherness over the ocean of life successfully. Whether it was a smooth ride or not I can't say that right now. My hubby has sometimes asked me to pen down an article about him. So, the wait is over now as this piece is completely dedicated to him and our life after marriage. It is just an amalgamation of all the emotions and phrases that I have gone through in this short span of time. This note may not be able to address all of the concerns or worries but will definitely help someone to reach a step closer to my feelings and thoughts that I always want to share. I believe that it will definitely make him to think and ponder about different aspects of our married life and come out with solutions if any glitch arises in future. I believe that there is not a single problem in this world for which no solution exists, it's only up to us how we perceive it and whether we are committed to resolve it together with an open mind.

 

A little bit about myself and my purpose in life

Here are few points about my personality and perception about different aspects of life

I am someone who is as equally ambitious as creative. I don’t get angry easily and don’t like to hold grudges. I try to find positivity in every situation. Music is something that I have been inclined to since my childhood days. Music is like a therapy for me. I express myself better when I sing irrespective of my mood. I always used to dream of entering an institution of national importance and come out of it with a degree in hand, making my parents proud where I would also get an opportunity to perform on stage as a singer in front of thousand people. By god's grace, I was able to get a lot of opportunities at IITK. God always has a different plan which is difficult to comprehend sometimes.  Apart from music, I love to absorb new things quickly. This is the reason which has always motivated me to learn sketching, writing poetry or short stories, blogging, playing instruments like harmonium and synthesizer, learning Karate, learning new language like Germany, playing table tennis, chess, carom and winning prizes at different levels. I always admire simplicity because of the fact that I was brought up in an environment where I have seen people with a lots of awards and accolades in their name yet they are so simple and humble in their demeanor.

 

My take on marriage

Marriage is an institution where two souls are tied together to spend their life by being with one another in their thick and thin. It may not be as simple as it may seem from outside because it needs the regular and sincere efforts from both the partners involved in the process. For me, marriage is more of love, compassion, care, loyalty and innumerous sacrifices rather than gifts and material possessions. Below, I have mentioned few points which are necessary to build a strong bonding.

 

-View points

There will be differences in viewpoints, there is no doubt about it. These differences are due to the fact that ours upbringing, values and beliefs are different. What do we need to do here? We need to understand that as we have not spend these many years together, we need to take a look closer at how the other person feels when we say or do a particular thing under a particular circumstance.

 

- Expectation

It is not at all logical to expect that we both will behave in a particular manner in a particular situation. The reason is that we are still knowing each other and studying each other like a book each day. And this book can't be finished in a single day, it has to be read and understood by each chapter one by one over the time. It's not at all justified for one partner to expect that he/she does everything perfectly within the stipulated time in an environment where he/she has neither brought up nor accustomed to. We need to shade all the unnecessary perceptions and try to stick to the reality. Most of the time, fake and one sided expectations become the root cause of misery.

 

- Acceptance

The main ingredient of marriage is acceptance. We don't simply marry the other partner because he/ she is just good or perfect or match our perception. We marry the other partner in its entirety. Here, entirety means the whole personality. And the whole personality comprises of both good and bad qualities. We can't simply get rid of the bad qualities of our partner so easily which he/she has acquired over the years. It's simply impossible. We just need to understand the other side with equal importance and accept as it is to build a healthy relationship.

 

- Compromise

It is the most important and key aspect in any relationship to continue longer. As per our values, marriage is considered as sacred bond created for eternity not for a minute, hour, day or year. Without compromise and sacrifices, nothing has ever worked out in a smooth manner. We both need to come out of our comfort zones to accommodate the other one. Till now, I have tried to compromise over my sleep and food habits. Rest of the things will be taken care of accordingly over the time.

 

-Patience

Generally, it is observed that we have a habit of getting angry quickly without knowing the fact and show our disapproval without fully aware of the fact or analysing it properly. Lack of patience in such a situation could land a relation to a very critical position which we never prior visualise.  Sometimes we also behave awkwardly without listening to the entire story which irritates others. There should be some hours in a day when one can relax with his/her partner together and listen to each deeply before reaching any conclusion. It gets developed over the time as Rome is never built in a day.

 

-Communication

A healthy and deep communication can resolve any kind of conflicts in a relationship whether that is love, professional or conjugal, this is what I always feel. If we don't communicate with each other freely or express what we feel in a particular situation, how would we get to know what's going on in other’s mind as we are not professional mind readers. To know each other's like, dislike or mind set, we will have to communicate on a regular basis, not thinking the process to be obvious or shameful. Communication often clears out the preconceived notion we have for others as well. It lets the other partner know you deeply and understand your emotions. The most important channel of communication is to have one to one discussion without the involvement of any other interest group as interference.

 

-Respect

Respect is a positive feeling which is shown towards someone/ something considered important or held in high esteem. It conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities. It also shows that a partner is caring and concerned about the needs and feelings of other. We need to respect each other by valuing each other’s opinions and needs.   


Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder. There are few qualities I would like to mention here, that I admire in him. Despite the differences we have between us, he doesn't hold any grudges for long. I have seen his dedication towards his professional career. Being a person of today's generation, he doesn't possess any bad qualities such as drinking or smoking. At this age, being conscious about health is not that obvious. He is aware of healthy lifestyle and you try to incorporate healthy food habits in your life style too which is commendable.

My purpose of marriage was to get a life partner with whom I can express myself better, enjoy everything around, explore new places, learn new cultures and most importantly advance in my career. We have already spent half of our lives with doubts, fear and insecurities. The rest half of the life is so crucial because it will be full of responsibilities, challenges and uncertainties, which will also demand the great level of emotional support from a partner. Why not to forget and forgive whatever has happened in the past and start afresh from now on, to witness a brighter horizon. Life is very beautiful when there is an understanding partner who can walk besides you in every phase of life.

 

I want to end this letter with a quotation of Dave Meurer who is the famous author of several non-fictions books, “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences”.

 

Yours truly,

Sweta

25-10-2022

 

P.S: I will be more than happy if this diary entry is evident enough for the readers to understand the key points that are crucial for a marriage to sustain longer and help them to know some one deeply with whom they are in a relationship. I have started writing this article at 1 AM at late night and this is the time when I get many ideas and contemplate on life usually. Last one and half year was very difficult for me to survive due to lots of unexpected hurdles in my life along with COVID restrictions. I am happy that he is one of the reasons for which I have started writing again and back to my blogging arena after a gap of almost two years. 

If we focus on good things, we can only see the good memories when we look back to our life after 20 years.

  

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