A Diary Entry
What my
heart says
“A successful marriage requires falling in
love many times, always with the same person.”—Mignon McLaughlin
Disclaimer:
This letter is definitely going to be a long one. Please read it carefully and
patiently till the end. You may find answers to many questions you might be
searching for.
Dear Diary,
I congratulate us for sailing the boat of five months of togetherness over the ocean of life
successfully. Whether it was a smooth ride or not I can't say that right now. My hubby has sometimes asked me to pen down an article about him. So, the wait is
over now as this piece is completely dedicated to him and our life after
marriage. It is just an amalgamation of all the emotions and phrases that I
have gone through in this short span of time. This note may not be able to
address all of the concerns or worries but will definitely help someone to reach a
step closer to my feelings and thoughts that I always want to share. I believe that it will
definitely make him to think and ponder about different aspects of our married
life and come out with solutions if any glitch arises in future. I believe that
there is not a single problem in this world for which no solution exists, it's
only up to us how we perceive it and whether we are committed to resolve it
together with an open mind.
A little bit about myself and my purpose in life
Here are few points about my personality and perception about
different aspects of life
I am someone who is as equally ambitious as
creative. I don’t get angry easily and don’t like to hold grudges. I try to
find positivity in every situation. Music is something that I have been
inclined to since my childhood days. Music is like a therapy for me. I express myself
better when I sing irrespective of my mood. I always used to dream of entering
an institution of national importance and come out of it with a degree in hand,
making my parents proud where I would also get an opportunity to perform on
stage as a singer in front of thousand people. By god's grace, I was able to
get a lot of opportunities at IITK. God always has a different
plan which is difficult to comprehend sometimes. Apart from music, I love to absorb new things
quickly. This is the reason which has always motivated me to learn sketching,
writing poetry or short stories, blogging, playing instruments like harmonium
and synthesizer, learning Karate, learning new language like Germany, playing
table tennis, chess, carom and winning prizes at different levels. I always
admire simplicity because of the fact that I was brought up in an environment
where I have seen people with a lots of awards and accolades in their name yet
they are so simple and humble in their demeanor.
My
take on marriage
Marriage is an institution where two souls are
tied together to spend their life by being with one another in their thick and
thin. It may not be as simple as it may seem from outside because it needs the
regular and sincere efforts from both the partners involved in the process. For
me, marriage is more of love, compassion, care, loyalty and innumerous sacrifices
rather than gifts and material possessions. Below, I have mentioned few points
which are necessary to build a strong bonding.
-View points
There will be differences in viewpoints, there
is no doubt about it. These differences are due to the fact that ours
upbringing, values and beliefs are different. What do we need to do here? We
need to understand that as we have not spend these many years together, we need
to take a look closer at how the other person feels when we say or do a particular
thing under a particular circumstance.
-
Expectation
It is not at
all logical to expect that we both will behave in a particular manner in a
particular situation. The reason is that we are still knowing each other and
studying each other like a book each day. And this book can't be finished in a
single day, it has to be read and understood by each chapter one by one over
the time. It's not at all justified for one partner to expect that he/she does everything perfectly
within the stipulated time in an environment where he/she has neither brought up
nor accustomed to. We need to shade all the unnecessary perceptions and try to
stick to the reality. Most of the time, fake and one sided expectations become
the root cause of misery.
- Acceptance
The main
ingredient of marriage is acceptance. We don't simply marry the other partner
because he/ she is just good or perfect or match our perception. We marry the other
partner in its entirety. Here, entirety means the whole personality. And the
whole personality comprises of both good and bad qualities. We can't simply get
rid of the bad qualities of our partner so easily which he/she has acquired
over the years. It's simply impossible. We just need to understand the other
side with equal importance and accept as it is to build a healthy relationship.
- Compromise
It is the most
important and key aspect in any relationship to continue longer. As per our
values, marriage is considered as sacred bond created for eternity not for a
minute, hour, day or year. Without compromise and sacrifices, nothing has ever
worked out in a smooth manner. We both need to come out of our comfort zones to
accommodate the other one. Till now, I have tried to compromise over my sleep
and food habits. Rest of the things will be taken care of accordingly over the
time.
-Patience
Generally, it
is observed that we have a habit of getting angry quickly without knowing the
fact and show our disapproval without fully aware of the fact or analysing it
properly. Lack of patience in such a situation could land a relation to a very
critical position which we never prior visualise. Sometimes we also behave awkwardly without
listening to the entire story which irritates others. There should be some hours in a day when one can relax with his/her partner together and listen to each deeply before reaching any
conclusion. It gets developed over the time as Rome is never built
in a day.
-Communication
A healthy and
deep communication can resolve any kind of conflicts in a relationship whether
that is love, professional or conjugal, this is what I always feel. If we don't
communicate with each other freely or express what we feel in a particular
situation, how would we get to know what's going on in other’s mind as we are not
professional mind readers. To know each other's like,
dislike or mind set, we will have to communicate on a regular basis, not
thinking the process to be obvious or shameful. Communication often clears out
the preconceived notion we have for others as well. It lets the other partner
know you deeply and understand your emotions. The most important channel of communication is to have one
to one discussion without the involvement of any other interest group as interference.
-Respect
Respect is a positive feeling which is shown towards someone/ something considered important or held in high esteem. It conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities. It also shows that a partner is caring and concerned about the needs and feelings of other. We need to respect each other by valuing each other’s opinions and needs.
Beauty lies
in the eyes of beholder. There are
few qualities I would like to mention here, that I admire in him. Despite the
differences we have between us, he doesn't hold any grudges for long. I have seen his dedication towards his professional career. Being a person of today's
generation, he doesn't possess any bad qualities such as drinking or smoking. At
this age, being conscious about health is not that obvious. He is aware of
healthy lifestyle and you try to incorporate healthy food habits in your life
style too which is commendable.
My purpose of marriage was to get a life partner with whom I can express myself better, enjoy everything around, explore new places, learn new cultures and most importantly advance in my career. We have already spent half of our lives with doubts, fear and insecurities. The rest half of the life is so crucial because it will be full of responsibilities, challenges and uncertainties, which will also demand the great level of emotional support from a partner. Why not to forget and forgive whatever has happened in the past and start afresh from now on, to witness a brighter horizon. Life is very beautiful when there is an understanding partner who can walk besides you in every phase of life.
I want to end this letter with a quotation of
Dave Meurer who is the famous author of several non-fictions books, “A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect
couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their
differences”.
Yours truly,
Sweta
25-10-2022
P.S: I will be more than happy if this diary entry is evident enough for the readers to understand the key points that are crucial for a marriage to sustain longer and help them to know some one deeply with whom they are in a relationship. I have started writing this article at 1 AM at late night and this is the time when I get many ideas and contemplate on life usually. Last one and half year was very difficult for me to survive due to lots of unexpected hurdles in my life along with COVID restrictions. I am happy that he is one of the reasons for which I have started writing again and back to my blogging arena after a gap of almost two years.
If we focus on good things, we can only see
the good memories when we look back to our life after 20 years.
